OK, not exactly part of my fitness journey, but I really liked Seth Godin this morning. And the truth is, I have way less “iffing” now that I have training. Too busy doing things and improving to worry about what ifs. Well, not entirely, but certainly LESS.
At the outset of the year, I decided that I wanted to improve, but resolutions were not exactly for me. But I did want to think about what was IMPORTANT for me, and keep those at the forefront whenever possible. My list:
They aren’t fully formed resolutions: Just things that were important to consider. And they were about balance. Controlling food but not being compassionate to myself, for example, would not be a ‘win’.
Anyway, I was being a bit scared about the upcoming meet, and one of the Mavens referred to something that reminded me to check my list. My fear is allowed a voice: she is trying to protect me. So I should have compassion for myself, and not be embarrassed that I am afraid. But it won’t decide.
Yesterday we tested bench and squats. A difficult 105# and a failed 135#. I can’t get depth. Anyway, the real point is that while I can’t be happy about the outcome….I was happy. Just… Happy. Endorphins. Knowing I did something for me. Whatever. But the result was not just because of the result (if you follow).
Anyway, then we went to move my mom into the retirement home. The results, at least to our target, were good. She’s set up. And yet we had a really horrible day.
Feeling all of the feels … And they all seem illogical. But they aren’t. My “why” for the retirement home set up is the desire to see my mom happy and safe. And while we did the tasks, the “why” is open. Safe, but not happy. It will come, tho.
My “why” for lifting is not just to lift heavy shit. That’s the task equivalent. The “why” is to challenge myself, push my boundaries, learn more about how I work , invest in my well-being and to demand progress of myself.
So you can’t judge success by checking off the tasks. And if you try, you’ll may be left thinking that you should feel differently than you do …..to have accomplished what you planned but remain unsatisfied. And that would be the saddest success of all.
KH is making me think. And like web-surfing, it starts with a brain-ramble about a narrow topic, and eventually burgeons into something that’s like “How did I get here, exactly?”
Anyway, I was thinking about targets, and limits. I set some targets that I think are the upper limit of my potential. But I don’t really know what my limits are until I hit them. But then how can you set a target? I don’t want to limit to short term thinking only, and don’t want to set the bar low. But I don’t want to set goals I will consistently miss, or are unattainable. I like small wins.
Anyway, …. it does not really matter that much (…. and yet here I am diary-ing about it), but I DO like to think. I don’t know if I like that I like to think….(Brain ramble, here we come…)